The Counterfit’s School Of Impeccable Taste: February Singles Report

Oi you at the back! Stop your sniggering and put that chewing gum in the bin before I slap you with a week’s worth of lunchtime litter duties. Many an artist is hoping to make February their month courtesy of a spine tingling single and if you don’t pay attention then you’ll end up behind in the naughty corner with Cotton and Mills. The little tykes! Eyes down then and don’t forget your 2000 word essay on “the post-modern philosophy behind ‘Ice Ice Baby’” is due in next Thursday…

Stylo – Gorillaz

Teacher says: “Damon Albarn and Jamie Hewlett’s cartoon creations are back to their old ways once again courtesy of a hypnotic looping bassline and the Blur frontman’s signature croon. Initially an oblique choice for the lead single off their third album Plastic Beach but once that hook sinks in you may consider yourself smitten.”

Grade: A+

Devil’s Spoke – Laura Marling

Teacher says: “Much like a deceased family pet, Laura Marling was one of those artists you missed most when you needed something to comfort you through the cold winter nights. Unlike a deceased family pet, Laura has her sophomore record out on 22 March and if it lives up to the teasing standard of ‘Devil’s Spoke’ we will be very pleased indeed.”

Grade: B+

Opposite Of Adults – Chiddy Bang

Teacher says: “In terms of inventive sampling Pennsylvanian hip-hop duo Chiddy Bang score no marks at all for what is effectively a straight ripoff of MGMT’s ‘Kids’. Equally the line ‘when I park cars I don’t pay the meter’ ranks on a scale of gangster bravado just below jaywalking whilst smoking a tobacco cigarette. Still their debut single is catchy as hell!”

Grade: B-

You Overdid It Doll – The Courteeners

Teacher Says: “Sometimes we feel sorry that The Courteeners seem to be the butt of every indie snob’s snooty jokes. Then they release songs like this just to spite us. There’s a memorable enough chorus but the piano refrain seems overly forced and Liam Fray’s Mancunian drawl lacks enough bite to hold our attention.”

Grade: C

Best Friend – The Drums

Teacher says: “This one song seems to embody all the characteristics we hoped The Drums would drop when they came round to recording their debut album. Whiny vocals, excruciatingly bad lyrics and an utterly throwaway tune to top it all off. If morbid curiosity gets the better of you, ‘Best Friend’ is out in all good record stores on 5 April.”

Grade: D-

Don’t Stop Believin’ – Northern Allstars

Teacher says: “In case you were wondering what rock bottom looked like…”

Grade: Z